GMW Fanfics
by miissnoname
Summary: Girl Meets World Fanfics. I just didn't think these fit in with my Rucas fanfics collection. Although, my ship preferences are obvious.
1. Liquid Courage

In Lost Moments, found in my rucas fanfics, I mention a conversation between Riley and Maya. Something about it spoke to me, and this came to be. It's been on my tumblr for a while, but I decided to post it on here as well. I hope you enjoy.

* * *

I had come home to visit for the holidays, Lucas was going to be down in a few days, so I decided I would use those days to spend as much time with Maya. Her life her in New York in art school had taken over her life, and my life with classes in California had taken over mine. I was sad to say, but Maya and I had drifted apart, but I never stopped considering her my best friend.

She didn't know I was in town. I wanted to surprise her, so as soon as my plane landed I went home to drop my bags off, say hi to my parents and Auggie, and I left to Maya's apartment.

I get to her front door, and I hesitate to knock. I don't know what to expect things to be like between the two of us. I take a deep breath before my knuckles touch her door.

"Riles," Maya's voice is ecstatic, "What are you doing here? I didn't know you were coming into town today! Come in," she grabs my arm yanking me inside embracing me into a warm hug.

I laugh, "I wanted to surprise you," I say pulling away. My eyes scan the apartment. This is the first time I've been here. You can definitely tell this is Maya's studio apartment; she made her mark.

The walls are completely covered in art, I can only tell they are white by the little spots that are open. She has a corner in her apartment that has an easel with a canvas rest on it. She has paints laying around.

I look at her and notice she is dressed up. "Where are you going?"

"One of my friends from school is having a party tonight, and I said I'd go for a little bit. You should come it'll be fun."

I sigh, "Okay, but is it a party where there is going to be a lot of drinking? You know I don't drink too much. Do I even look okay?"

Maya laughs, "And you look fine. Maybe tonight you'll let your hair loose." We both walk out. Even though we go time without seeing each other and sometimes we don't talk, right now it feels like we were never apart.

* * *

We tumble inside her apartment her apartment laughing. We are both a little tipsy, me more than her. We drank the same, but I'm a lightweight compared to her. Maya helps guide me to her couch, while she moves to the kitchen area to get me some water.

Thoughts are starting to circle my mind, things I've always wanted to say but always talked myself out of it. Maya returns with a glass and hands it to me. She makes sure I drink all of it. I take a deep breath that is followed by a hiccup.

"Lucas is going to propose," my words are slurred and rushed.

I look at Maya who is smiling at me. "How do you know?"

"He called me last weekend after he got home from a frat party. He was drunk, so I don't think he remembers he told me," I hiccup with a slight smile, "he has a ring. I never told you or anybody, but when he came out to California the summer right after high school he proposed."

Her eyes widen, "What?!"

"He proposed, but I said no. We were just trying to work everything out," my words run together, and I hope she understands. "But he's going to propose, and I'm going to say yes," a smile forms on my lips.

"I'm happy for you, Riles!" Maya exclaims taking a seat next to me placing an arm around me.

I sigh, "Are you?" I mumble.

She pulls away and looks at me confused, "What?"

"Are you really happy?" the words fall out. I have no control over what's going to come out next. "You aren't going to wait for me to walk down the aisle and say you have feelings for him?" The words just fall out. "When Lucas first came to New York you practically pushed the two of us together. I mean literally, you pushed me in the subway to him. Whenever something happened between Lucas and I, you listened to me swoon for hours at the window. Then suddenly you say you like him. I mean what the hell was that?!"

Maya is taken by surprise, "Riley, I thought we were moved past that."

I shake my head, "No, you moved past it," I slur. "That time still creeps up on me sometimes, and I know it does the same to him. When he thinks I'm sleeping, he'll run his fingers through my hair and apologize for ever hurting me. For making me believe that he was ever confused about his feelings."

"Riles, I di-"

I hold my finger out stopping her. "Yeah, I know you didn't mean to," my tone is sarcastic. I have no idea what's gotten into me; I guess this is what they can liquid courage. I hiccup, "You never even said sorry."

"Where is, all this coming from?" Maya asks confused.

I look at her, "It never went away. I couldn't fathom how my best friend couldn't see how much she was hurting me." I take a deep breath, "For god sakes, I basically changed personas because you and Lucas were voted best couple in eighth grade. Why did you think I'd be okay with you and Lucas actually trying to be a real couple?"

Maya sighs and her eyes drop to the ground, "You're kind of drunk right now. Why don't we talk about this in the morning?" Pause. "If you'll be able to remember," she mumbles under her breath.

I scoff, "Fine in the morning." Maya stands up and walks behind the room divider to her bed. Usually, her and I would sleep in the same bed when we have a sleepover, but tonight I don't think it's a good idea. I grab the blanket is hanging over the back, kick over my boots, and wrap myself in the blanket falling asleep.

* * *

When I wake up, there are two aspirin and a bottled water on the side table for me. I have a slit headache and wait a second before sitting up, placing the pills in my mouth, and chasing them down with water. Maya was hoping that the night would wash our conversation from my mind, but everything is still fresh.

I hear rustling from behind me, and I turn my head to see Maya walking out from the restroom.

"Goodmorning," my voice is a little groggy.

She jumps slightly, "Goodmorning. I wasn't expecting you up. How are you feeling?"

I stand up slowly, "I'm okay. A little headache, but the aspirin should help with that." I watch as her eyes scan over my face, trying to figure out if I remember last night. I clear my throat, "I'm going to use the restroom," she nods her head, and I walk past her.

I close the door behind me. I grab the listerine bottle that sits on the side of the sick and gargle a mouth full for a minute before spitting it out. I take the hair tie from my wrist and put my hair up in a messy bun. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and let out a long breath, so there are two ways this can go. One, I can act like I never said anything since I'm guessing she's hoping I forgot based on her comment last night, or two, I continue our conversation from last night.

I turn on my heels and reach for the door. I walk out to see Maya placing the blanket back where it belongs, and then taking a seat on the couch.

"I could have done that," I say taking a seat next to her.

She lets out a deep sigh, "Riley, we need to talk about last night," I look at her, "You need to finish what you were saying." I don't say anything. "Do you not remember?"

I shake my head, "I remember. I just hadn't decided if I was going to."

"You need to say what you've kept bottled up for so long."

Silence surrounds us. I don't know where to start. I've always wondered how this moment would go if I ever decided to say anything to her. I guess it's now or never, right? I inhale and exhale before I open my mouth.

"I-I, you know it's not important. I-"

"Riles," Maya cuts me off, "tell my exactly how you felt. I can handle it, no sugar coating it."

I take a deep breath, "Honestly, I thought you were a horrible best friend to me," I watch her head drop and the silence returns.

She clears her throat, "don't stop."

I sigh, "I was angry. I mean how could you not see how upset I was. You saw me turn into Morticia M Black, and then hid what you thought I felt. You didn't even bother talking about it with me. I wanted to set you straight, and maybe that was my mistake for not doing that. And then there was the semi formal. You were still convinced that I saw him as a brother. I watched you dance with him at the dance and it hurt. I bet you didn't know I cried that night." I take a deep breath, "Then there was Texas, and you let me step back from him when you should have known as my best friend how hard that was for me."

"You ignored my tear stained cheeks. You ignored my fake smiles and fake laughs. You put the three of us, you, me, and Lucas, through so much. Lucas and I stopped talking the way we use to because we both thought, well I thought it wasn't fair to you. And by not talking to him, I felt like I was missing this part of me." Exhale.

"The night of New Year's when Farkle announced I still had feelings, you never talked to me about how I hid my feelings. I bet you didn't know how he snuck into my room that night, and we just sat in silence. He was mad, and he had every reason to be; I lied and it led to this mess. That was my fault. He use to come to my room some night, and we'd just enjoy each other's presence," I start to fidget with my hands, "I asked him to stop because I knew he would have to even it out with you, and the thought of you being alone with him killed me inside."

"When he finally picked me, I was on cloud nine, every minute I spend with him I'm on cloud nine. But when he picked me, I still felt like I couldn't be happy because of you." I look at Maya who is looking at the ground. "I don't mean to make you feel bad. I just, sometimes these feelings eat me alive. You're my best friend, and Lucas is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with and I don't want to have to worry about anything in the future."

Maya gets up, and I see her walk to her corner where all her art things at. She shuffles through a couple of things before returning with a few pieces of paper in her hands. She hands me the first one, and it's a picture of me and Lucas from the ski lodge but from the outside. The two of us are staring at each other in the drawing smiles on both of our faces.

"I watched everything from the outside," Maya says, and I pull my gaze away from the drawing and look at her. "He looked at you with yearning in his eyes, the way he always has, I guess it was something I chose not to see, but in that moment I knew it was always you for him, Riley."

She hands me another one. Lucas and I are in an empty classroom. I'm sitting in a desk in the front with my head down scribbling in a notebook, and Lucas is sitting in the back with his eyes locked on me and a sad smile spread across his face.

"This was senior year during the time you two were broken up." She takes a deep breath and looks down at the drawing, "Lucas never stopped admiring you from afar. No matter what he was doing as soon as you came around him, his eyes immediately found you. I knew you two were going to work everything out. You two had to."

She hands me the last piece of paper she had in her hands. Lucas and I are embraced in each other's arms gazing into one another's eyes with the beach behind us. It's almost a cliché drawing, but this is one day I remember. I can't help the smile that plays on my lips.

I look up, and Maya is already looking at me. "You remember that day?" I nod. "Two summers ago, we all went to Farkle's family beach house for a week. You and Lucas were the first ones to change and run down to the beach. The rest of us eventually followed, but when we got down there he was chasing you around."

I start laughing and return my eyes back to the paper, "He was trying to pull me into the water, but I didn't want to. Of course, he did it anyways," I scoff.

Maya nods, "I thought you were going to be mad, which you were at first. You stormed off, and he chased after you. He whispered something in your ear, and a smile washed across your face and just like that you forgave him." I smile at the memory.

"These are beautiful Maya." Pause. "Why do you have them?"

She sighs, "I have some of Farkle and Smackle, your parents, my mom and Shawn stored away. I watched you all share these moments, and I wanted to have this great love I see in all of you guys. I never thought I'd find it."

"But you did," I smile.

"I did," she whispers. She clears her throat, "I'm so sorry Riles. I can't apologize enough for what I put you through and Lucas. I should have apologized sooner, and you never have to worry about anything like that happening again."

"Apology accepted, and I'm sorry for my outburst."

Maya shakes her head, "Don't be. You had every right."

My phone starts ringing, and I reach for it.

 ** _Hello?_**

 _Riley? Where are you? You didn't come home last night._ My mom says from the other end.

 ** _I spent the night at Maya's last night. I'll be home in a bit._**

 _Well, you have a surprise here._

I smile. **_Well, what is it?_**

 _You should come home and find out._ My mom isn't going to say a word.

 _Lucas!_ I hear Auggie shout from the other end, and my heart starts racing. He wasn't supposed to be here yet. The two of them have gotten extremely close. Auggie almost gets as excited as me to see Lucas.

 _Auggie! You ruined the surprise!_ My mom scolds him. _Hang on a second Riley._

 _Hey beautiful. Where are you?_ Lucas' voice fills my ears, and my heart begins to flutter.

 _ **Lucas!** _ I exclaim. **_You're here! I thought you were going to be here for a few more days._**

 _I wanted to surprise you. Plus, I had to come a little early to talk to your dad. Anyways, you should stay with Maya. You two haven't seen each other in a while._

There's a knock on her front door, and Maya moves to answer it. I watch a smile spread across her face as she opens the door and leaps into someone's arms.

I smile. **_I don't think I'm needed much here right now. Josh just got here, so I'll be on my way home._**

 _I can't wait. I love you._

 ** _I love you too._** I hang up the phone.

Josh walks in and closes the door behind him. I start to put on my boots and put on my jacket.

"Hey niece," Josh smiles at me.

"Hey, Uncle Josh." I walk over to give him a hug.

"What you're leaving?" Maya asks.

I nod, "Yeah. Lucas came early to surprise me."

Josh laughs, "That explains why your dad sounded so uneasy on the phone right now. Lucas still makes your dad a little tense."

"Yeah, that's because Lucas is the one Riley is going to marry," Maya chimes in. "I bet he's asking permission from Cory."

I give Maya a look and smile, "Well, you two have fun. I'm going home." I give them each a hug goodbye, but when I get to Maya, she holds on a little tighter and longer.

"Are we okay?" she whispers near my ear and I nod. "I love you, Riles."

"I love you too, peaches." I pull away, and she makes sure I promise to call her later. I walk out the door, and I feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

The whole way home I feel butterflies in my stomach. I'm about to see Lucas, and I'm ready for my ride on cloud nine.


	2. Fake It 'Til You Make It

An anon on tumblr requested a one shot that was Riley-centric based on the song Fake Happy by Paramore, but with Lucas catching on at the end. So, here it is.

 _trigger warning: possible depression_

* * *

It's the gang's senior year of high school, and that meant all the senior activities to come—the senior prom, the senior carnival, the senior lock-in, and so much more. Everyone was excited. Everyone that is beside Riley.

She couldn't explain it and she couldn't understand it herself, but Riley felt nothing. She wasn't excited for her last year of high school or anything for that matter. She wasn't anxious or nervous. She wasn't scared. She felt nothing. And, when she wasn't numbed to the world, sadness came rushing over her.

Riley tried her best to hide whatever it was she was feeling because she didn't actually think she had a real reason to feel what she was feeling. She had parents who would go to the ends of the world for her, the best of friends anyone could ask for who loved her, a roof over her head and a warm bed to sleep in at night. Some people would call her lucky, yet an agonizing feeling of emptiness swallowed her whole. The feeling had first crept in weeks ago, and she just wanted it to go away. She wanted to stop pretending that she was still smiley Riley, but sometimes you need to fake it until you make it, right?

The group of friends is now months into their senior year, and no one had caught onto how Riley has truly been feeling. But, she couldn't blame them—she was giving them a performance. Every day that they all met at Topanga's after school to do homework she'd laugh like nothing was wrong, and every day at school she'd walk with a pep in her step and a smile on her face.

On the weekends, if her friends made plans, Riley would tag along. And, just like any other time, she would pretend she was happy, but, after a couple of hours, Riley would say she was tired and excuse herself for the rest of the night. And on the nights Riley didn't feel like being fake happy, she'd make up an excuse and stay in her room.

Pretending to be happy was exhausting for Riley. Every night, after spending the day laughing and smiling, Riley cried. She didn't know why she was crying, but when she started, she couldn't stop. The only comfort she found was in a specific song that she played every night humming softly to it while she fell asleep.

 _If I smile with my teeth_  
 _Bet you believe me_  
 _If I smile with my teeth_  
 _I think I believe me_

 _Oh please don't ask me how I've been_  
 _Don't make me play pretend_  
 _Oh no, oh what's the use_  
 _Oh please, I bet everybody here is fake happy too_

* * *

The day of Riley's eighteenth birthday finally came, but all she really wanted to do was stay in her room with her door shut, her window curtains draw closed, and her earphones in shutting out the outside world. However, she should have known that wasn't what was going to happen when she heard a loud knock on her window early in the morning.

She slowly sits up on her bed facing away from the window. She takes a deep breath and tries her best to be happy. She's supposed to be anyway, right? It's her birthday, and she's Riley.

Riley drags her feet across her bedroom floor to her window and draw opens her curtains, and she sees her blonde blue-eyed best friend smiling at her with happy birthday balloons.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RILES!" Maya yells as soon as she wiggles her way inside with the bundle of balloons struggling to fit through the window all at once.

Riley laughs, and for a second, she even has herself believing she is really happy. "Maya, shh!" Riley wonders if Maya had noticed that she hasn't called her peaches in months. "It's seven in the morning, and everyone is still asleep."

Maya's eyes widen. "How is everyone asleep?! It's your-"

Before Maya can finish her sentence, Riley's parents and her brother come rushing in. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RILEY!" Auggie, and Mr. and Mrs. Matthews shout, and again, Riley laughs—only she knows it isn't real.

After everyone hugs Riley, they ask her what she wants to do for the day. "Actually, I was hoping that we could have a quiet night in, if possible." She looks at them waiting for them to object, but they don't. She thinks about asking if she could just spend the day alone, but she didn't want to push it.

"If that's what you want," Riley's mother says, and Riley nods.

Maya groans. "Fine, but I'm taking you out for breakfast then to the mall to buy you a new outfit, and before you say no, you don't have a choice. So, get ready."

Riley playfully rolls her eyes. "Okay, but can you all get out? I need to shower and get dressed." She really just needed a minute to sulk to herself. She needed a minute on her birthday where she didn't have to pretend.

Once the four of them leave the room, Mr. Matthews turns towards his wife. "Do you think we should cancel the party? She did just say she wanted a quiet evening in."

Maya laughs. "Please. It's Riley. She loves birthdays, and hers is no different. I'm sure she only said that because she didn't want to feel like an inconvenience to us. Riley deserves this party, so it's still on."

* * *

After a day spent having Maya drag her from store to store, making her try on one outfit after another, and having to fake laugh and fake smile, Riley was happy the day was finally coming to an end. Riley still didn't understand why Maya made her wear her outfit out of the store.

"I hope you had fun today, honey," Maya says as they reach Riley's front door.

"I did. Thank you, Maya." Riley waits for a second and hopes Maya will finally catch on that she has once again used her name—the way she has the entire day, the way she has for months—instead, of the nickname that Riley had given Maya in the first few minutes of their friendship. But, Maya doesn't say anything

Riley searches through her bag and pulls out her keys trying her best to ignore the sly smirk that crept on Maya's lips. When the two girls walk inside, Riley is relieved to find the room dark hoping her parents and Auggie went out for a quick errand and that would give her enough time to try to get rid of Maya and run to the comforts and her room. She lets the smile that she's been forced on her face fall letting the darkness shield her face.

"Why is it so dark in here?" Maya reaches for the switch by the front door, and Riley turns around to stop her, but before Riley can do so, she hears voices behind yell _SURPRISE!_

Riley sees Maya smiling at her, but the only thing going through Riley's mind is the word _pretend—_ and that is what she does. She turns to face everyone and laughs and covers her mouth with her hands in a surprised manner, and she sees everyone smiling at her. She should feel happy at this moment, and for a second, she does. However, it fades away, but she won't let anyone in the room know that.

She skips around the room, and she understands why no one had noticed. She feels different on the inside, but the way she is acting like nothing has changed. Sometimes when she catches a glimpse of herself smiling or she hears her laughter it fools her into thinking she is truly happy, but the numbness and the sadness tell her otherwise.

"Happy birthday, Riley!" She hears as soon as she is surrounded by her close five friends, and each one of them takes a second to hug her as tightly possible.

The party continues. Everyone sings happy birthday to Riley. She opens her gifts. She chats with everyone who came to celebrate with her. Most importantly Riley makes sure the smile never falters from her lips.

Hours tick by, and now she was counting the minutes until she says goodbye to everyone. She was happy that Maya had an early shift at the bakery, and that meant she couldn't stay the night. At least, she would have some time alone on her birthday the way she wanted.

"Before the night is over, we have one final surprise for the birthday girl," Maya starts. "So, Riles, will you come sit down?" Maya gestured to the sofa and Riley does what Maya asked. "We," she gestures to Lucas, Zay, Farkle, and Smackle who were standing behind the couch, "went around and asked everyone to say something about you. Whether it was a memory, something nice, or whatever they felt like sharing. Anyways, we smashed everything together into a video."

Maya looks at Farkle, Riley assumes signaling him to start the video. Farkle moves to the TV in front of the living room and pushes a couple of buttons on two different remotes. The video starts and Riley listens to all her parents and friends speak about her.

She listens to some of her classmates and coworkers speak mostly about her happiness and smile, and how she's always skipping around making sure everyone around her is okay.

Her parents are next, and they talk about the day she was born and how proud they are of the person she is turning out to be. Zay speaks about the time he and Riley made cookies together after getting the recipe from his grandmother because she felt horrible for eating his cookie. Smackle speaks about Riley's always bubbly personality, and how it can make anyone feel welcomed the way it made Smackle feel the first time she entered the group of friends.

Farkle addresses Riley as one of his two ex-wives, which earn laughs from the room. He speaks about her kindness for others, and her heart made of gold. He also shares a memory about the first time they went to the planetarium, and Riley couldn't stop talking about Pluto. Maya starts by saying how much she loves Riley, and how it was Riley who brought the sunshine back into her world, and with that sunshine, it allowed hope to grow.

Finally, it's Lucas. Everyone in the room can see how nervous he was in the video. He tells everyone how Riley skips through the halls, and how she can make anyone smile just by being herself. He finishes by saying that he's lucky to have met Riley.

Riley is waiting to feel butterflies in her stomach, a feeling she misses more than anything, but they don't come and she can't understand why. He's always been able to make the flutter come alive, and she knows how she feels about him. But nothing happens inside of her.

As the video comes to an end, it fades into a montage of friends and family saying happy birthday to Riley, and for the first time in a really long time, Riley feels truly happy—until pictures start to show.

At first, there are candid moments of Riley sincerely smiling and laughing, and she finds tears start to build in her eyes.

"Aw, Riles!" Maya plops herself next to Riley once Maya notices the tears.

Maya thinks the tears are from happiness, but Riley knows better—she feels it. She misses feeling happy she misses smiling. Riley is too scared to blink because she knows once she does that the tears will start to fall down her cheeks

She continues to watch the video, and Riley notices something that struck her to her very core. The pictures start becoming less candid moments of her smiling, and more moments of her posing in pictures with friends or family. She notices her smile in the newer pictures, and she notices that those smiles never once reaches her eyes.

She quickly glances around the room wondering if anyone noticed, but no one does. Everyone has smiles on their faces while watching the screen, so she does what she does best—smile and pretends to be happy.

* * *

After everyone leaves, Riley helps her parents clean up before rushing to her room. This is the place she really wanted to spend the entire day. She closes her door and changes out of her new outfit and quickly slides on a pair of sweats and an oversized sweatshirt.

She saunters to her desks and slowly opens her laptop ready to find comfort in her music, one song specifically. So, she hits play and walks to her dresser to grab her brush. She stares at herself running the brush through her hair and let the lyrics run through her body and starts to sing along.

 _I love making you believe_  
 _What you get is what you see_  
 _But I'm so fake happy_  
 _I feel so fake happy_  
 _And I bet everybody here_  
 _Is just as insincere_  
 _We're all so fake happy_  
 _And I know fake happy_

It begins soft and the voice is low, and anyone who first listens to the song will think it's just another slow sad song, but it changes.

 _I been doing a good job of makin' 'em think_  
 _I'm quite alright_  
 _But I hope I don't blink_  
 _You see its easy when I'm stomping on a beat_  
 _But no one sees me when I crawl back underneath_

The message of the lyrics doesn't change, but the tempo does. It's no longer slow, and one might even find themselves dancing along to it forgetting the words and solely focusing on the music. Riley thinks it's genius. The catchy sound of the music can distract someone from truly hearing the lyrics—just like her smile can distract everyone from knowing the truth about how she feels.

The chorus is just about to begin, but she stops herself when she hears a quiet tap on her window. She turns her head and sees Lucas staring at her. She places her brush on the dresser and moved to let him in.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Riley asks once Lucas is inside her room.

He rubs the back of his neck. "I…I needed to talk to you about something." He had noticed something at her party, and he had no idea how he missed it.

"Oh, okay. Let me just turn off my music, and we can talk." Lucas nods, and Riley walks across her room hurrying to turn off the song, not that she'd think Lucas was actually listening to the lyrics. She just wanted to keep it to herself—but it was too late. He heard, and the words were ringing through his head.

Truth be told, he was outside Riley's window for a minute before he tapped on her window. He listened to her sing. He saw the connection Riley felt with the song, and what he really noticed was she didn't smile once.

"So, what did you need to talk about?" Riley turns to face him to see him sitting at the foot of her bed, so she slowly walks and takes the spot next to him.

Lucas looks down at his hands and slowly releases a deep breath before looking at Riley. His green eyes meet hers, and he's looking for the brightness. But, he doesn't see anything. How has he been so blind?

"Are you okay?" Riley can feel the caution in his voice. She hadn't been asked that question in months. Her eyes scan his, and she can see them pleading with her to tell him the truth. Nevertheless, she doesn't.

She laughs half-heartedly. "What? Of course, I'm okay. Why would you ask?"

His eyes don't leave hers. "Because at your party…with the video and the pictures at the end…it just, it felt like something was off." He had been the one to provide most of the candid pictures of Riley. Whenever she'd start laughing too hard or she'd get lost in her own thoughts a small smirk found its way to her lips, Lucas was there to capture the moment.

However, it wasn't until Farkle asked for pictures of Riley for the video that he noticed he didn't have any recent pictures of those candid moments. He'd been too busy with football and trying to improve his college applications to notice, and he was beating himself up for it.

The entire time the pictures were showing he saw the light slowly leave Riley's bright eyes. It wasn't until it was right in front of him that he noticed something was wrong. Lucas wanted to talk to Riley immediately after her party, but she was quick to politely push everyone out the door. He tried to go home and forget about it, telling himself he was overthinking things, but he couldn't. Her eyes were haunting him every single time he closed his. He knew something was wrong.

"Really?" Riley looks away from his eyes and begins to wring her hands. "I thought the video was lovely."

Lucas nods. "It was, but something was different. Riley, can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything, Lucas," Riley says still looking away from him.

"Are you happy?" Her eyes shoot up to look at him, but she doesn't say anything. So, he continues. "I know we decided to just be friends, but I want you to know that you can tell me anything. I'm here. I'll listen."

Riley takes a shaky breath, and she parts her lips but stops. She knows if she starts to talk she'll cry. No one had asked her if she was happy, and she wanted to scream she wasn't. But, she couldn't. If she did, then she wouldn't hold the image of smiley Riley, so she lies.

"O-of course, I'm happy." Her voice breaks at first, and Lucas furrows his eyebrows.

"Really?" She nods. "So, the song you were listening to and singing along to didn't mean anything to you?"

Her eyes widen. "Yo-you heard me singing?"

"I did, and I've known you long enough to know by the way you were singing that the song means something. So, please, Riley, talk to me. We've always been good at talking."

Her eyes swell with tears, and she blinks trying to push them back, but that only sends them rushing down her cheek. Lucas waits for Riley to wipe her tears away, but when she doesn't, he doesn't hesitate to.

Lucas cups Riley's face between his hands. "Riley, please talk to me. I'm begging you."

"I don't know what's wrong with me," she sobs. "I don't feel anything. I don't feel happy. I don't feel anxious. I don't feel scared. I feel nothing. I feel empty." Lucas slowly drops his hands from Riley's face, and instead, takes her hands in his. "And when I do feel something, it's this searing amount of sadness. It swallows me."

Tears race down her cheeks, and Lucas releases his hands to wipe them away, but returns them to holding Riley's hands.

"I-I sometimes don't even want to leave my room let alone my bed. I shouldn't be feeling like this, but I ca-can't control it. I didn't want to b-bother anyone. I'm supposed to be happy. I-I'm supposed to be the happy go lucky one in the group. I'm supposed to keep everyone's spirit up. I-I'm supposed t-to be the one that smiles themselves to death, but it hurts to have to pretend to be happy when I haven't been happy in months," Riley stutters through her tears, but Lucas understands every word. He lets go of her hands and wraps his arms around Riley.

He can feel her trembling against his chest as she sobs. How did he not notice something was wrong with her? How did he not notice the smile that he saw every day was fake? Why did it take him so long to figure this out?

Riley slowly pulls away from Lucas. Her bloodshot red eyes meet his now glossy green ones. "What's wrong with me, Lucas?" Riley cries.

Lucas tenderly brushes the hair covering Riley's face behind her ears. He can see her eyes, and this time he's studying them. Her brown eyes are pleading with him for answers, and he wished he had them for her. "I…I don't know. I wish more than anything I had an answer for you, but we can get you help. You don't have to pretend anymore."

Hearing that she didn't have to pretend anymore threw Riley into another fit of sobs. Her secret was out. She didn't have to be fake happy anymore, and for the first time in months, she felt something different from the two feelings she had grown accustomed to for the past several months. She felt relieved.


	3. Secrets and More Secrets

_Summary: What if Lucas had one more index card when he talked to Riley and Maya at the bay window, but he was too scared to read what he had written. And, what happens when someone accidentally sees it? Will it change anything, or will everything stay the same?_

 _Word Count: 1, 881_

* * *

Lucas had stayed up all night writing exactly what he was going to say on a set of index cards, and he'll admit it sounded ridiculous as he read over it. He still couldn't fathom how he was in this situation because he knew how he felt, but he couldn't face them with no map of what to say, especially, not in the presence of _her._

Whenever Lucas Friar was around Riley Matthews, he sometimes got a little nervous. She was the only person that caused his heart to fasten, that caused the flutter in his stomach, that made him stop in his track at the sight of her. So, he couldn't understand how he was in this mess because he thought he made it as clear as day who his feelings are for…but apparently not.

Which led to the situation that he is in now—in Riley's room, with her and Maya, reading the index card that he had written the night before. He was able to predict what was going to be said between the girls making his index cards fit in perfectly.

When Lucas has one more card left, he returns to his spot in between the girls; however, what neither one of the girls knew was that Lucas had one more card hidden away in his pocket. He wasn't sure why he had it tucked away, but it was a last minute thought before he climbed through the bay window.

But, after he gets done reading what the girls thought was his last card, the three of them sit there in an awkward silence. He thinks about pulling out the card from his pocket, but with the silence that fills the air, he doesn't think it's the right time. So, the three of them sit there until Mr. Matthews yells it's time for school.

* * *

After school, Lucas decided to stop at Topanga's before going home. The friends didn't have plans to meet today, but Lucas didn't feel like being home. When he gets there, he takes the seat he would have taken if Riley and Maya were there and he would be sandwiched between the two of them. He pulls out his last card that he never got to read, but the first card that he wrote.

 ** _I choose Riley._**

It was three simple words, but it was the first three words that came to him when he thought about talking to Riley and Maya about this stupid triangle. Because to Lucas, it was a simple decision. Of course, he didn't want to lose his friendship with Maya, but if he had to choose (which he did), he would gladly choose Riley time and time again.

Lucas hears someone call out his name, and he hurriedly shoves the notecard in his front pocket. He turns towards the door and sees Smackle smiling at him.

"Hello, Lucas. I can't get rid of my third wheel, can I?" Smackle and Lucas laugh.

"What are you doing here?"

Smackle walks over to Lucas and takes a seat in her usual spot on the bench next to the door. "Waiting for Farkle, and you?"

Lucas sighs. "Just thinking." Lucas feels his phone vibrating, and he pulls it out seeing it's just a notification from one of his apps. He doesn't put his phone in his pocket, and maybe if he did he would have noticed the notecard that he tried to hide was now sticking out.

Smackle nods knowingly. "About a certain predicament that you are in I assume." Lucas nods. "Have you figured out a solution?"

Lucas shakes his head. "I haven't."

"Wouldn't the simple solution to be to just choose?" Smackle didn't necessarily understand feelings, and when Farkle tried to explain the situation to her, she tried her best to grasp at what she could but understanding feelings were never in her forte and having friends that spoke about them was something new to her—and sometimes a little uncomfortable for her as well.

Lucas understood that Smackle was different, and he wished the situation was simple the way Smackle had viewed it because it should be. Lucas knew who he wanted to be with, but there was still the matter of Maya. Even though Riley was the one he wanted to be with, Maya's feelings mattered—especially to Riley, and that's what scared him more.

"I wish it was simple," Lucas whispers.

"Can I be honest with you, Lucas?" Smackle asks timidly.

"Please."

"I think you know who want to choose, but you are afraid of what will happen once you do. Am I correct?" Lucas' eyes widen. How would Smackle know that he made a choice? Did he make it obvious about who his true feelings are for?

But, if he did, why was he in this stupid triangle?

"By your facial expression, I'm going to guess I'm correct." Lucas nods not being able to find words. "I know feelings are new to me, and it's okay if you don't want to take anything I say into consideration, but if you made a choice, you are just putting off the inevitable, right? Well, I don't see any reason to wait. Your decision is made. Is there a probability of it changing?"

"Not at all." After letting Smackle's words sink in, a grin spreads over his lips. "You're right. I have to go. Thank you, Smackle." Lucas stands up and takes a step to the door, and Smackle sees the index card fall from his pocket but Lucas doesn't. Without thinking, she picks it up and she couldn't stop herself from reading what was written on it.

"It's Riley." Lucas turns around confused at first, but then he sees the notecard in her hand. "You choose Riley."

Lucas nervously runs his hand through his hair. "I do, but-"

"I won't say anything until you make your choice."

Smackle holds out the card, and Lucas takes it. "Thank you." Smackle nods and Lucas turns to leave before Farkle can get there.

When he reaches the stop of the stairs, Smackle's words are playing in his head. She was right. His choice wasn't going to change, so why wait? It was always Riley. It was always going to be Riley. So, instead of going home, he goes to the one place, the one person, he has always found comfort in. _Riley._

* * *

Riley's sitting at her bay window with her phone pressed to her ear. She had made up an excuse as to why she had to be home. Truth be told, after the morning speech from Lucas she wanted to be alone. But, that wasn't going to last long considering Maya was going to be over any minute for dinner.

But, in Riley's time alone, she needed someone to talk to and since she felt like she couldn't talk to the two people she would typically turn to, she turned to her Uncle Josh.

"So, has Lucas made a choice yet?" Josh asks from the other end of the phone.

"Not yet." Riley laughs softly, almost forced.

"And what if he did choose? And, let's say he chose you."

Riley lets the idea play in her head, and she can't help the smile that falls on her lips. But, she knows it isn't real, and she's a little upset that Josh made her imagine such a thing. "I don't think I could be happy knowing Maya was hurt." Riley sighs, "Whoever he chooses it's going to change everything. All I know is I'm scared that no matter who he chooses I'm going to lose a friend."

"How, so?"

"If he chooses me and it hurts Maya, I wouldn't be able to be happy. And, what if she doesn't want to be friends anymore. She said that nothing is going to change between us but people make promises sometimes that they can't keep."

"Whoa. That's pretty dark thinking for the mayor of Rileytown," Josh jokes.

"I'm serious, Josh."

Josh sighs. "Okay, okay. Well, what if he picks Maya?"

Riley didn't want to think about that possibility. He didn't want to think about her best friend with the only boy she has had feelings for. She didn't want to think about the possibility of them holding hands, them kissing. He didn't want to think about them together, but it was a real possibility (at least that's what she thought) that it might happen.

"I think I would lose two friends," Riley says so quietly that Josh almost misses it. She clears her throat, "No matter what happens, I'm scared I'm going to lose a friend." It's the one thing Riley feels sure about it. "I…I just want it to stop, Josh, all of this," Riley says defeatedly.

Before Riley can say anything else, she hears her mother call her down for dinner. "I have to go, Uncle Josh, but I'll call you if anything changes. Thank you for listening to me."

"What else are uncles for. Bye, Riley."

Riley hangs up her phone and leaves it at her window, but she was unaware that Lucas was just outside her window listening to everything she said. And the words that Smackle told him just moments ago were replaced with Riley's. _She wanted it to stop_.

Lucas starts to walk down the fire escape. He came here to tell her his choice but that changed. He wanted to give Riley what she wanted no matter how much it hurt him. She was scared, and he didn't want her to be scared anymore, so everything had to stop.

* * *

It's been hours since Smackle talked to Lucas at Topanga's, and the entire time she was with Farkle she did want to tell him what happened, but she promised Lucas. And, although friendships were new to her, she knew she couldn't break that promise. Not before Lucas was ready.

Farkle was walking Smackle home when Farkle's phone goes off. He pulls it out to look at and sighs when he reads the message, and Smackle notices the distress on his face. "Who is it?"

"It's Riley. She said that Lucas decided that they were going to stop." Farkle looks up from his phone to meet his girlfriend's eyes. "This isn't going to be good."

"He didn't choose?"

Farkle shakes his head. "I guess not."

Smackle didn't know what could have happened between the time she had spoken to Lucas until now to make Lucas change his mind. She knew Lucas chose Riley, so what happened?

She stares at Farkle, and Smackle thinks about telling Farkle about what happened with Lucas today—the conversation she had with him, and the notecard she saw—but she doesn't. Smackle saw what happened with Farkle when he told Riley's secret on the rooftop, and how his three best friends gave him the cold shoulder for days. She knows she couldn't handle that with them, especially, since they were all still becoming accustomed to one another. This was one secret that was going to stay a secret until it came out from the person it belonged to.


End file.
